His Ways...

Thank you Josien, for motivating me to write a little something again..I really have no clue of WHAT to write, so much things have happened, are happening at the moment that my head and my emotions are mostly one big, chaotic mess.

At first there was Tuesday, the 7th of June.
The day our already so beloved baby, was born. Only 6 months to early. I was a little over 13 weeks pregnant... We feel strongly, no, we know, that our (probably) little boy, is safely put in the Hands of his and our Heavenly Father.
We love him, will always miss him and are looking forward to meeting him one day.

Switserland is celebrating its `birthday` today. Kindoff like the 4th of July, they celebrate their independence, and their `birth` (today, 720 years old).
Everywhere you see flaggs,theres fireworks, organized bands playing and happy people celebrating. But I dont feel like celebrating.

I got to be in Holland from the end of June till beginning of July, a little over 2 weeks. These two weeks turned out to be, the last weeks I was able to spend with my mom, in a more or less `normal` way. Her left hand was playing `funny` on her, she dropped things and it was a numb, but that was it.
The day before I left, she got the results of a MRI scan they made.
: Two brain tumors, at the right side of her haid. With that result, her world, our families world, kind off collapsed. So much questions, so much thoughts. Now, exactly 4 weeks later, there still are lots of questions, more and more thoughts. In within 4 weeks, this `funny hand` became a funny arm, then a funny left leg, then she wasn`t able to walk at all, then her left eyeside left her, and now.. This brave woman is completely disabled. Even her, normally so clear and fast working mind, is leaving her alone. Mom isn`t mom anymore. In 4 weeks time.
So much questions...How much time do we have left to together, how much longer will she be able to speak clearly and know what she is saying? How much longer does she has to suffer? And at the same time: How much time is given us, to say goodby?
We all have to go, return `to dust` and leave this earth and return, as spirit children to the Spirit wolrd. We all have say goodbye, some time, yes. But it seems so incredible unbelievable.. is it really her time, already? She had so much dreams, futureplans, now that she finally almost stopped working.
Gods ways aren`t our ways.
All I , all we can do now, is pray. Pray and Fast. Trust, and have a lot of Faith, that Only He is in Charge, and that His Ways are somehow the Best ways. Even if we can`t see how or why. Yet.

Dear Mama, please stay with us a little while longer... I love you. We love you!